I'm not afraid
by Moon Bunny
Summary: Lily's last entry in her Dairy.


**I'm not afraid.**

Dear Diary,  
  
I haven't written in you in a long time, but this will be my last entry. My days are numbered by Voldemort now. There is nothing I can do. Here I will record what happened to lead me to this point. I'm tell you now, when I stepped forward with my husband ,James, 4 years ago, I wasn't afraid. I'm not afraid now.  
  
Lily closed her eyes, and remembered the events as they had unfolded.  
  
Voldemort's power was on the rise. Everyone knew it. The dark Mark kept appearing in the sky, and every time I saw it, it brought back horrific memories of what had happened to my parents. I needed James most at those times, were the skull would ride high into the night sky, Voldemort's power radiating fear over everyone and everything. I didn't have anymore tears to cry. My sister turned away from me, my parents murdered. I knew nothing of love but James now, and I trusted him. With him I'm not afraid.  
  
I had just gotten married, and we had come back from out honeymoon, but even in those joyous days of celebrating I spent with James, the thought of the dark lord ran though my body. I am one of the few who will speak his name, I shall not show fear to him. I am not afraid of my death, and I will never be afraid.  
  
Loosing my parents to Voldemort crushed my hope and strength. I had gone home from shopping at the mall with my muggle sister, when I saw the Dark Mark flying in our neighborhood. The tears were steaming down my face before I even got on my street, I knew. My sister knew. I did the only thing I could do, I fled, to the one place where I would be safe, Hogwarts.  
  
Dumbledore saw my state and he knew. He made me tell him, relive the events that had occurred, open up the wounds I so desperately needed to hide from myself. I requested that I see James, and he came. My loving James. The comfort of his arms, as he whispered "I'm here Lil, I'm here..."Into my ear, rocking me back and forth like a tiny child, I was safe. Voldemort could reach me, and I was so painfully aware of the fact, however, if I died right now, I wouldn't be afraid. I don't think I would ever be afraid of death.  
  
I think Voldemort himself feeds off the fear of the people. He uses it to again his power. My theory is that if we gathered our courage, he could be defeated, if we weren't afraid.  
  
Thats the past. After the honeymoon, we got a letter from a small white owl. It requested that we meet at Hogwarts, for a meeting about Voldemort (though it didn't say his name outright). We went.  
  
Their was a large crowd of seventh year students gathered in the hall. We were not in school anymore, but a familiar comfort ran though the place. There were others about my age, wondering around, looking for a place to sit. The seventh years recognized James and I from two year ago. They had been 5th years out 7th year. Before I could start a conversation with an old acquittance, Dumbledore had risen from his chair and spoke.  
  
"I have gathered all the 7th year students, and some guests, for a very important announcement. The ministry of Magic, has sent out an order, to send anyone 17 years of age, and older -that are willing- to the Ministry to fight the Dark Lord. It is imperative, that there are volunteers for this. Vo... The Dark Lord, must be stopped. We need wizards and witches of power to join the force that will stop him. We are under a great stress, and need. Please, everyone with the courage, the skill and the bravery step forward to help out cause."  
  
The silence fell like a warm blanket over the crowd. I looked at James, meeting his deep brown eyes, his facial features set in stone . I could read his eyes though. I nodded. He nodded back. Taking his hand, we step forward from the back of the Great hall. We walked down the middle aisle, hundred of eyes focused on us. Our footsteps were in rhythm and they echoed in the Great Hall, magnifying, intensifying, it sounded more like a death walk. Everyone knew it was. Dumbledore looked at us. He wanted to shake his head no. I could tell it from his eyes. We walked toward the stage were Dumbledore was standing. About ten feet away from him, James and I spoke up together "We are not Afraid. We will help in anyway we can."  
  
Soon their after, a line had formed, maybe forty people long, out of the entire room. I couldn't blame the 7th years much, they had a life ahead of them, dreams.   
  
We left. We were debriefed, and sent on our missions. James and I were spys. I soon had to quit, because I now had more involved, a son. I was pregnant with a baby boy. I became a relayer. Using Muggle devises like the telephone, and the postal service to send letters to receiving points and get the info of Voldemort's activity to where it needed to be. This went on, and is still going on, but betrayal is here, now. One of our friends, our dear friends. I'm not sure who, but now it is to late. My son, is almost a year old, and we are going into hiding tomorrow. Voldemort is after us. I am not afraid.  
  
We arranged our secret keeper, our extremely good friend, Sirius Black, but he changed it out saying that Voldemort was likely to come after him soon. I understood, he didn't want to be the one to betray James by accident, and he'd be the one they would look at first. Sirius, would never leave James though, he would be loyal to the end. In Sirius' place, Peter Pettigrew, another good friend of James', became our secret keeper, but I have a feeling...  
  
He is coming. I can feel it in my veins. Every night, I cant a spell on my only son so if need be, I can keep him safe. His darkness is trying to engulf my soul, past images of my parents body's floating around in my vision... I don't want to. A loud noise , I can here him coming, the dark laugh. Dear Lord... I pray Harry's okay, and James is to ...but, funny thing is, I am afraid, not for myself, but for them.  
  
Lily Potter.  
  
**~END~** Review it PLEASE!!! Tell me what yall think!!Oh ! And e-mail me at m-star@yahoo.com !!  



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